Knowing the “I don’t’s” before saying “I DO”



I think we would all agree that we live in a day and time when being lonely is not popular.  Everybody wants to have somebody because even the thought of being alone is dreadful! That’s probably the reason why in today’s society so many folk are  rushing to the Altar saying “I DO” only to appear before  a judge saying that it was all a lie, and that they want out!

Fifty percent of marriages in America end in divorce! Why is that?

Because before you said “I DO”, you didn’t 1st study the “I DONT’S”…

What am I talking about?   You owe it to yourself to study that individual.  That way when and if you do decide to say “I DO” at least you know what you’re getting into…

Don’t rush the process of getting to know the person you’re wanting to “SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH”!

So what are some of the “I DONT’S” you might run into?  What about,

I don’t have a work ethic

I don’t like children

I don’t like church

I don’t like flossing

I don’t like holding hands, or showing affection

I don’t like “edjumacation”

Honestly, I really don’t even like YOU!!

“But that doesn’t matter, because you’re the best thing that ever happened to me,,,c’mon lets gets married!!”

REALLY??  Here’s a few suggestions from rimpology 101:

1.      Know yourself. Take an honest look at your traits,  strengths and weakness, your goals, your values, your self-esteem, how you handle your anger, and how you nurture yourself, to name a few. Learn where your blind spots are, so you can build your awareness. Gather information when you need help. In areas where you are weak, seek help.  Talk to your Pastor or counselor, begin observing others who have experience in relationships, or taking classes or workshops on the subject.

2.      Love and except yourself. You can only experience love to the degree that you love yourself. The degree of love, acceptance, and respect you have for yourself is reflected to your partner, and vice versa. By nurturing yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, you grow in your ability to love and honor yourself, thus impacting the relationship. When two people value high self-esteem, the relationship is set on a solid foundation.

3.      Learn as much as you can about your family history. Did you know that the less aware you are of yourself and your family history, the more likely you are to repeat the same problems your parents and grandparents did in their relationships? I know that’s crazy, but it is oh so TRUE!  People who understand their family history and patterns do a better job healing the issues that come up in a relationship, vowing to do things differently.

4.      Think about what you want in a relationship. What do you picture in a good relationship for you? What do you see in your future? In five years, ten years, a lifetime? If you don’t know what you want, you may end up with what somebody else wants for you. Empower yourself by discovering what you want to create and experience.

5.      Get to know your partner. Be a detective and find out as much as you can about him/her and his/her family. No one is perfect, but you can make wiser choices in choosing a partner by using your head and your heart.  BE NOSEY!!  This your life you’re talking about here!

6.      Discuss openly with your partner your past relationships:  When you begin this journey with your soon to be life partner, don’t make the mistake of leaving out your past, be open, leave nothing untouched so that you will be totally free when you enter into this new journey!  He or she must love you for not only who you ARE, but who you WERE as well.  Who you were, helped define the person they fell in love with.  Don’t be ashamed, because if you are, your partner will be too!

The goal is to improve your chances of a happy, long-term relationship before you say, “I do.”

Take the time to get to know one another,  believe that you’re worth it, and know what and who you’re agreeing to spend the rest of your LIFE with….

Thinkin out LOUD


10 thoughts on “Knowing the “I don’t’s” before saying “I DO”

  1. great way of saying it. another thing people need TO DO IS LOOK AT THE FAMILY sometimes your answer of them lies right there.

  2. good advice brother! I know that some people have issues with living together before marriage, but that is the only “TRUE” way of getting to know your significant other’s likes and dislikes.

  3. Thank you all for your input! This is so exciting, and I’m looking forward to having many a discussion using this forum, and value all of your input! Thank you again! So how do you all feel about our “anonymous” friends view that living with someone before saying I DO is the only true way of vetting your life partner??

  4. I do agree with “Anonymous”. I do not believe that it is a must, but it is a good way to get to know someone in a shared environment. I am not saying at all to move in every man you are in a relationship with! However, if you are in an relationship that is exclusive, and serious (more than a year and a half) I feel that it is appropriate. Either way, people really should take their time to get to know each other. And as Sena said, get to know their family.

    • Isha!! Hey lil sis, I appreciate your support of the new blog! Let me know if there are any topics you want to discuss, Im open for all suggestions! Thank you again! Rimpology101!

  5. I agree!! I’ve been with my husband for 9 yrs we’ve been happily married for 4 yrs and we lived together first. We have study each other learned what each other like or dislike but most importantly how to love one another. I’m not saying you will get to know everything but I think it will save you some heartache! Also wanted to say I love your blog excellent work!!!

  6. I disagree with “living together” before marriage, especially because the Bible teaches against it. But not only that; statistics show that it tends to have a negative effect on marriage. Living together is NOT the only way to get to know a person, as so many successful Christian marriages have shown.

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